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Archive for the ‘a day in the life of me’ Category

2 years ago, before I got into SS501, before I got into Kpop.
I’ve already heard of Super Junior.
a korean idol group, consisting of 13 members.
they sing they dance, apparently they did a whole load of other stuff
but 2 years ago, i would never wanna be caught going for any of their events
i didn’t like the idea of a 13-member group, it just felt too messy and too busy
and definitely not everyone of them will be good in singing.
i honestly wondered why people would go crazy over them

well.
I guess i was wrong to think of all those stuff
it’s wasn’t until i got into kpop that i started to.. accept(?) them.
i mean it would be hard to avoid the shows they were on as much as i wished to.
i was only into SS501 from the start.
but with 13 members in the group… they are pretty much everywhere!
they are in variety shows, in radio programs, in drama OSTs…
it’s like they’re haunting you LOL
cause even some of my friends would introduce their variety shows to me..
slowly, i realized they were seriously funny and each of them has something in them that’s rather interesting
the singers of the group.. sings really well
the dancers of the group.. of course…have great dancing skills.
and they were not as annoying as i thought they would be
so i didn’t mind seeing them in shows and all… but i wouldn’t pay attention to them.
gosh~ i couldn’t even remember any of their names
i definitely had a hard time joining the names to the faces.
eventually i did figure out who’s who, am totally proud of myself! LMAO

when news came out that they would be coming to Singapore for their concert.
i did want to go.
i’m not a fan, i hardly listen to their songs and would listen only when there are new songs to see how it was.
but i knew how big they were in korea, around asia, and maybe the world.
that’s why i felt that.. it should be worth it to attend a concert of theirs.
to really see how good they were.
it’s just like… you would definitely have to attend a Mayday’s concert at least once in your whole life
it would kind of be the same with the kpop life i guess.

After yesterday’s concert.
i seriously don’t regret my decision to attend the concert =D
even though i knew probably less than a quarter of the song list, i had fun and really enjoyed myself!
for me, it was probably the stage presence that they have.
it’s definitely easy to own the stage with the 10 of them!
they would interact with the fans, like taking the fan’s camera and take a picture together, loads of waving and smiling lol
there were good singing and good dancing
the maknae Kyuhyun even sang 新不了情!
he amazed me with such good pronunciation and of course the smooth melodious voice of his.
another good song would be Yesung’s solo!
he sang his song for OST of the drama Cinderella Sister
which was absolutely awesome!!
well, yes~ i’m a litttleeee biased here
he’s singing is really good! and he’s funny in a weird way~ me likey!

their dance numbers were sexily powerful
they had hilarious segments where heechul would dress up as lady gaga, shindong would be doing a beyonce number with eunhyuk and donghae.

they introduced themselves as different characters around the world
they dressed up as different kinds of veggies for the encore

and there was touching segments too
with Kangin, who’s currently serving the army and therefore would only a projection of his image would be shown, looking over them as they “played” the instruments

the music at that time was really emotional and heartwarming.
so much so that i actually teared a little bit >.<
i guess i would have enjoyed myself even more if i knew more songs lol

after the concert, we discuss how worth it the concert was.
i mean they could really capture the audience’s hearts, whether fan or not.
i still wouldn’t say that i’m a fan of them, even though i have my bias in the group XD
i wouldn’t be chasing after their news or what have you like i am doing with SS501 and 2AM
but i would definitely think about going for another of their concerts if they ever come to Singapore for one again =D

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Social life? Nah. I pretty much have none of that.
It’s probably only me.
But I seriously think I’m destined to be alone for life~
Its just hard for me to go out to crowded places.
It’ll make me all cranky and pissed off.
There’s just TOO MANY people!!
You’ll never know when someone will step on your foot or elbow you in the rib.
Or maybe it’s just my luck.
I get it all the time when I’m out in crowds
So I’ll definitely avoid it whenever I can
I’ll choose the quiet places
Or just not leave the house at all

I guess that’s why I would sometimes just indulge myself with the virtual world. Forums, twitter and stuff.
But of course. Cybersafety is important!
You can do anything online~ but safety’s first!
Other than that.
I’m avoiding all the foot-stepping, noisy surroundings, long queues, and maybe even rude people XD

Like I said.
A certified loner and 宅女 over here!
It’s not something to be proud about. But I’ve gotten used to it I guess.
I push people away when they start to get too close.
I have a temper that I myself can’t control.
And after so many things
I’ve hurt the people around me, even myself.
Somehow I guess it’s an automatic reflex that’s hardwired into my system.
It’s hard to fight it either
Just when I thought everything was fine. It had to act up again.
I can’t blame it cause it has been working hard for the past so many years.
Old habits die hard Eh?

But I’m working to a change!
Seriously hope I can change after all these.
I read an article that bb unnie shared on change and how friends help when they don’t help.
After these weeks of being alone and doing so so so so much thinking.
I just can’t help but agree with the article.
Not that I’m really happy that I have no one to talk to or that I’m not involved in anything.
But I guess when they left me on my own, not much talking, not even meeting up.
I really thought things through.
And that’s why I know that I have to change this stupid habit of mine that pushes people out of my life.
Never in the name of social life.
But in the name of acceptance, openness, and friendship =D
Does not even sound a single bit like me?
Well yeah~ that’s what happens when people think lol!
I gained a lot of new insights about various stuff.
And I’m ready to go out and face the world again! lmao
I just need people to date me out and to let me in once again >.<
I do really hope this is a change for the better.
But only time will tell.
For now, I’ll just wait for the rest =]

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did 2010 just went past?
and i didn’t even get a chance to say a proper goodbye! T.T
yup. i did it again.
like every other year~ sat in front of the TV, rocked with Mayday’s (五月天) performance for the taipei countdown, and watched the fireworks display show on Taipei 101.
it’s practically is ritual now!
even my mom would remind me to tune in.
Mayday over any other thing. seriously!

With 2010 already disappearing into the darkness of the night.
i guess it’s time to remember the good times of the year and look forward to more exciting stuff to come

2010 was, without a doubt, a great year for me!
can’t say much for my grades though >.<

In 2010, kpop came into my life.
In 2010, i met a group of friends that i wish to keep for life.
In 2010, i went for an overseas concert for the first time of my life.
In 2010, i’ve seen the most number of idols in my life.
In 2010, i skipped CNY for the first time (and last time>.<) in my life.
In 2010, i left home for the longest time of my life.
In 2010, i traveled the most in my life
In 2010, i experienced the joy, laughter, sadness, and sorrow of life

if i don’t stop now, i think the list could go on and on!
and kpop would occupy at least half of it!
more to tell~ i wanna post all about my experiences so i’ll never forget them…
2010 is definitely a year to remember.
happy or sad, i don’t wish to forget any of it.
let me learn from the sad, and move on with the happy. =D

here comes 2011
time to put the past behind and welcome a new beginning!
time to achieve new things, dream new dreams?
nay~ i’ll just stick to being practical
resolutions resolutions resolutions…..
is hardly a thing for me.
i had never.. i seriously mean NEVER kept to a single resolution i made.
yes. i should find a hole to hide in now…
but it wouldn’t hurt to try again yeah?
number one on my list? keep to my resolutions!
obvious isn’t it XD

1. be happy! think happy thoughts.. don’t let anything get me down
2. money saving project for travel! Korea.. and more!! suddenly started to miss Taiwan~ guess it’s time to go again?
3. study. hit the books! but never forget to have some fun in life~
4. spend more time with my family. my time in germany made me realize how important family is to me. family over EVERYTHING! =D
5. learn to cook some decent dishes. i’ve like cooking for sometime now but have always gone with my feelings, mixing anything i can find in the fridge in. maybe i should go for some cooking lessons eh?
6. if possible, pick up a new language!!

there i go~ my resolutions for 2011. looking fresh and good.
hopefully i stick to it, especially number ONE and FOUR
well, we’ll see how it goes >.<

i’ll check back again next year and see how i’ve fared *fingers crossed*

a simple wish at the start of a new year.
that the thing on my mind would turn out fine
and that all of us would be happy~
depressed no more would i be!
loads to look forward to this year.
for starters.
well. Love501.com is up and going!
SS501’s comeback!
and i’m still waiting for news about mayday’s concert LOL

welcoming the year with open arms, an open heart, and a nice big smile.
treat me well 2011! =D

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if there’s nothing for me to be happy about…
just when i thought everything was going okay
today had to happen.
it isn’t great living with someone where you don’t know when she’ll blow up or be cranky
i was seriously looking forward to meeting up with other people.
at least we finally get to talk and well, clear up any misunderstandings
but not quite.

how do you carry on with something that you know is not the same anymore?

you know how people make mistakes in their lives
and they would just go on, learning from their mistakes
i guess, i was a mistake in their lives.
now it is obvious where i should be. and what i should do.

do they know.. how much i cherish the friendship?
do they know the fears i carry in opening up to other people?
do they know that i am actually trying to talk to them?
but they seem to be avoiding me.
a simple “no” would suffice if you have other things to do.
why would you just keep quiet and wait for me to give up?
it’s just a little meal. a small chat.
to catch up. didn’t we talk about that before?
or was it just wishful thinking on my part.

sometimes i just wanna let them know.
if you’re unhappy with me. or if you have a problem with me.
why not just tell me?
we’ll try and solve it together. i’ll try and do my best within my principles
don’t go talking to everyone but me.
cause it really hurts.
if you don’t wish to talk to me. if you don’t wish to have me in your life.
yes. please do tell me too.
then i’ll know that it’s time to give up.
give up trying to patch the friendship up
i don’t know what to do now.
i’ve told you my problems yet none of you seem to care what is exactly happening.
do you know that i treat all of you as my true friends.
friends that i really care for. friends that i’m proud to call friends?
or is this like a one-sided relationship?

today. i’ve seen it and i’ve understood it.
all of us have changed.
the only problem is that i’ve changed in a different direction as compared to all of you.
it was stupid for me to think that nothing ever changes

i don’t know why i’m thinking all of these now.
probably still a little depressed.
it takes time and maybe i’m just not ready yet.
words can’t describe what they have done in my life, what changes they have brought for me.
and i am ever thankful for that.
i don’t wish to let go of this friendship.
don’t think i would ever want to either.
but please. save me before my heart dies on it.
all the tears that have fallen silently.
i’m never as strong as anyone thinks i am.
i don’t know for how long more i can hold on.
but i’ll definitely hold on until all my strength is drained
until the very end.

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so here i am with a new blog.
a new start.
and hopefully it’ll be a happy one for the new year.

everyone who knows me would know that, well, i’m no blogger.
i can’t keep it up, the whole momentum of blogging what i see, what i taste, what i hear, and what have you.
i mean, look at my previous blog!
haven’t updated in most probably 6 months.
i have to admit that i’m not the kind who loves to say what i feel on an open platform
who knows who’s reading it eh?
you’ll never know who will read what you’ve wrote and when they do read it.
that’s another thing to be thinking of.

so yes. why in the world did i start this blog.
well, i would have to say
it’s because of a little resolution i made for myself.
i wouldn’t be proud to say that i had just gone through a small and mild depression.
okay. it probably doesn’t count as depression
considering the fact that i would need to have the symptoms of depression for at least 2 weeks and all the other stuff mentioned in the DSM-IV
but still, i would have to say that this has been the lowest point of my life, so far..
it even won the event that happened back a few years ago!
thank heavens i didn’t have any suicidal thoughts.
no words can express what i really felt during this period.
my heart was heavy all the time.
i had no mood.
and i cried a lot.
but i just didn’t know what was happening.
i was so lost and so confused.
i seriously felt like giving everything up.

it wasn’t until 2 days ago where i felt that i could really smile again.
without a mask. a real genuine smile.
that. would be a whole other story to be told.
and hopefully i’ll remember to tell that story!

for whatever reason that got me so depressed.
i guess i’ll never know.
the only thing i know now is that i no longer have the capacity of keeping my thoughts and feelings inside of me anymore.
the feeling you get when everything overflows is really too painful for me to bear.
and so this is where the blog comes in.
this would be the place where i can pour my feelings out, instead of begging someone to hear me out or give me advice.
yes. an open platform no doubt.
but no one knows about this place do they?
i could pen things down but hey, i’m doing my part for the environment.
no trees are harmed in the process of me ranting away
which makes me feel so much better!
however, i’m not gonna let myself be tied down by this blog.
i don’t wish to blog for the sake of blogging.
this means that, no, i’m not gonna blog everyday.
can you imagine what my posts would look like if i blog everyday?
i can~

example:
nothing much happened today.
just went for lectures and tutorials
had a nice meal and chat
ride back was soooo packed with people
and here i am now blogging away~

i do not… seriously do not wish for my blog to turn out that way.

anyhow, so this is one of my resolutions for 2011!
so that i can hopefully become a happier person.
and not live with a mask any more~
a blog would also be a good way for me to monitor my thoughts, not that i have a lot of those XD

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